Words Creating Space

Ahhh, the beginning of a new year. A time to reset and take stock. I always have enjoyed the feeling of a clean slate that the new year brings. However, in my online reading,  I’ve encountered more resistance this year towards making new year’s resolutions than I’ve seen before. As I’ve thought about this, I recognized a similar sentiment I’ve carried deep within myself. It’s a background angst or feeling of dread over upcoming commitments I have. The interesting thing is that I didn’t really name this feeling until I took stock over the past year and realized that it was there. I think resistance towards making new year’s resolutions and this background angst in my life share a common root.

As I prayed more about this, I acknowledged that I have carried a condemning sense of judgment within me about what others think of my performance. I don’t think that this is something that I would have noticed on my own or that I would have had the vantage point to observe. I’m grateful for this revelation from the Holy Spirit because it uncovered that I carry something that isn’t mine to carry and also that it impedes my ability to use my energy and focus towards others – as all my energy is working overtime on me.

I realized that I need to be careful in the area of judgment because my judgments most often end in condemnation. Judgment is God’s area. When I am involved in judging another’s motives, or when I presuppose what someone else is judging about me, I am stepping into a role that I’m not equipped to handle. Over the past few years, a lot has been written about judging others – be it in the form of racial profiling or stereotyping or even in the form of placing someone in a box when you discover their background or political affiliation. There is a growing realization that this is not healthy in building bridges with one another, but only serves to divide. However, what about turning this judgment upon yourself? In this era of heightened sensitivity of offending someone, do you ever turn judgment upon yourself – anticipating how someone else will see you? I realize that I do and it takes a tremendous amount of energy. I also realized the fallacy of living this way. How do I truly know what someone else is thinking of me? I came to see that the nexus of all this thinking is that I place too much importance on what others think. A picture that God gave me is of approaching life in a balled up, crouched position. I am folded in on myself anticipating body blows of judgment and I’m trying to protect myself. This leaves me no energy to be open, upright, and looking at others before I turn a gaze inward. As I’m living right now, I don’t have the resources to turn my gaze outward.

As I brace myself for judgment, I realize that I’m entitling others to do  what only God can rightly do. If I truly believe that the only judgment that matters is God’s, then why do I spend so much time anticipating it from others and give it so much weight in my life? If I desire to build strength in my life and extend it to others, I need to develop discernment in realizing when I move out of my role and into God’s role. A key indicator of this is when I realize I’m not simply observing, but condemning myself and others for their actions and moving away from offering items up to God as a matter of prayer and releasing them into His control.

So back to resolutions. Do we resist making them because we feel that it puts too much pressure on us to perform, and gives us yet another reason to feel judged and guilty? How about approaching the spirit of resolution with the desire to be freed up in the next year- to take stock of the things you expend too much energy on that take you away from living into what really matters? As you invite God into this taking stock, trust Him to reveal areas of your life that you may be giving too much weight, or where you’ve overstepped your boundaries and entered into an area that is only His to administer. The result will be a lightening of your load and having much more energy to live out of strength rather than cower in self-protection. It will also enable you to be outward facing – truly seeing others, which enables you to love them.

So, what are some steps we can take in order to move away from judging and condemning ourselves as well as others? First of all, trust God’s judgment and invite it into your life. God does not judge as man does. (1 Samuel 16:7, Isaiah 55:8-9) He is FOR us and His judgment is to lighten, not burden us. (Matthew 11:28-30) Many times we have taken on too much as our role, when it is His to administer. Next, if you are having difficulty seeing God as a merciful judge, spend time with Him on this. As we experience God’s mercy in our own life, we are emboldened to reach out and give it to others. Realize that God desires so deeply to have a relationship with us that is built on love, not condemnation, so that we can image that to others and repair what has been deeply marred by sin and distrust of Him at its root. We first need to assess where we have allowed distrust to grow in our own relationship with God before we can offer this image to others.

So here’s to New Year’s resolutions that invite God’s judgment into our lives. As we approach God from the vantage point that He only desires good for us, we trust His revelations to us. The beauty of inviting this revelation in is that it has the end result of freeing us to love others more  as well as judging and condemning ourselves less. Happy New Year!